


Tech nerds and typos

by Ship_in_a_jar



Series: Dumb highschoolers  try to be superheroes [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Because thor went for the head in this au, Characters will appear for 1 chapter and never come back, Characters will be added as they appear - Freeform, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Harley Keener & Peter Parker Friendship, Infinity war happened but endgame didnt, Irondad, No Angst, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character Peter Parker, Out of character Tony Stark, Parent Tony Stark, at least not a lot, but i tag them anyways, but only sort of seriously, harley keener deserved better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:55:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27835636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ship_in_a_jar/pseuds/Ship_in_a_jar
Summary: Peter tries to text one of his classmates about a history project and accidentally types in the wrong number. Little does he know that the sarcastic yet somewhat charming stranger happens to be the same ten year old that saved tony stark 6 years ago in Tennessee.And of course this all happened at 3 am.—.—.—Basically peter accidentally texts the wrong number and it turns out to be Harley Keener. They become chaotic friends and will probably scare the shit out of tony once they realize that they both know him.Now has a side plot (not really) where peter meets some of the avengers and others because we never really got to see him interact with them outside of fight scenes!So far ive written him meeting loki, and i plan on havint him meet Bucky, steve, and some others. Also matt murdock AKA daredevil because i love him.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Tony Stark, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Dumb highschoolers  try to be superheroes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027828
Comments: 17
Kudos: 203





	1. 3 am is a good time to become friends with random strangers online

**Author's Note:**

> Harley Keener was amazing, and I am incredibly pissed that they didn’t bring him back. Him and Peter would have had the most chaotic friendship ever. Seeing as they won't give it to me, I decided to write it myself, featuring the ‘wrong number’ trope. Because why not. Also no, it’s not a ship in this fic. A, I don’t really ship it, B, I don’t know how to write coherent romances because I am a minor who has never been in a relationship, and C, I feel somewhat uncomfortable writing about people making out.

2:07 A.M.  
Unknown Number:  
Hey Safiya, sorry for texting so late but do you have the layout for our history project? I already have the notes and I shared the doc with you but I don’t have the layout that Mr. Earnest wants.

Unknown Number:  
???  
Who is this?

Unknown Number:  
Peter? From history class? You gave me your number earlier so we could text about the hsitory project  
History*

Unknown Number:  
Uh.  
Yeah no sorry you’ve got the wrong number 

Unknown Number:  
Oh god im so sorry  
This is so awkward

Unknown Number:  
Nah its chill  
Did you end up getting the right number this time?

Unknown Number:  
Yea  
I just typed on of the digits wrong  
Sorry for bothering you

Unknown Number changed Unknown Number’s name to ‘peter or something’

Unknown Number:  
Calm down jeeze  
I already said its fine  
Why the hell are you working on homework at 2 am anyway

peter or something:  
Ah um  
Its 3 am for me

Unknown Number:  
What the fuck

peter or something:  
I have no concept of a healthy sleep schedule ok

Unknown number:  
Wow really I hadnt noticed

peter or something:  
Youre one to talk  
You answered me text, didn’t you?

Unknown Number:  
You’ve known me for less than 10 minutes and youre already getting cheeky, huh?  
Besides its your fault I woke up, the text alert noise scared the shit out of me and I woke up.

peter or something:  
sorry I didn’t mean to

Unknown Number:  
Ffs You apologize a lot, you know that?

peter or something:  
Oh sorry  
I meAN-  
AhHHH-

Unknown Number:  
When was the last time you slept

Peter or something:  
…  
uhhhhhhh

Unknown Number:  
Jeusu schrist

Peter or something:  
Your spelling is atrocious

Unknown Number:  
Stfu  
I know  
Stop flexing on me with your unnecessarily big words

Peter or something:  
Says the one who literally just said “unnecessarily”

Unknown number:  
Technically I didn’t say it

Peter or something:  
I don’t want to here it with yoy and your technicalities

Unknown Number:  
You*  
The fact that you can spell “atrocious” without a problem but cant spell “you” without fucking up

Peter or something:  
LanGUagE

Unknown Number:  
Seriously  
Did you really just type language

Peter or something:  
Well when you hear it constantly from your teachers yelling at students it kinda rubs off of you

Unknown number:  
Valid  
Are you in high school

Peter or something:  
Is it that obvious?  
Actually should I even be answering that question?  
Stranger danger and all that schist

Unknown Number:  
Ha youre a percy jackson nerd arent you

Peter or something:  
You are aware that the fact that you know that means you’re a pjo nerd too, right

Unknown Number:  
Fuck  
No one was supposed to know

Peter or something:  
But yea I am a high schooler

Unknown number:  
Same  
Im in 10th grade if you were wondering

Peter or something:  
Oh thank god you arent just some creepy old person with a percy jackson obsession  
In 10th grade too

Unknown number changed their name to ‘harley’

Peter or something:  
:O  
Your names harley?  
That’s so cool  
Its like the motorcycle

Harley:  
Shit really I hadnt noticed

Peter or something:  
:(  
But it is

Harley:  
I shouldve guessed youre the kind of person you use stuff like “:(“

Peter or something:  
:( 

Harley:  
Ugh youre gonna keep doing that arent you

Peter or something:  
:( 

Harley:  
Ok now youre just teasing me

Peter or something:  
Maybe :)

Harley:  
Btich  
Bithc*  
BITCH*  
JESUS CHRIST

Peter or something  
You know your-  
Your spelling is-

Harley:  
I swear to god if you say atrocious I will l o s e i t

Peter or something:  
…  
Your spelling is atrocious :) 

Harley:  
FFS  
Hjegfiuhefkabf  
No

Peter or something:  
You know for a random stranger that I texted on accident youre not too terrible

Harley:  
Gee thanks pete  
Can I call you pete  
Pete?  
Did you die?  
Welp im just going to assume you died  
Nice knowing you

7:46 A.M.  
Peter or something:  
sorry for not responding sooner, I passed out  
But yea you can call me pete if you want

Harley:  
You...  
P a s s e d o u t ... ?  
Wh a t

Peter or something:  
I did tell you that I have no concept of a healthy sleep schedule

Harley:  
I mean yea but normally that doesn’t normally translate to “passing out in the middle of texting a random highschooler who I met on accident”

Peter or something:  
To be fair, not much translates to “passing out in the middle of texting a random highschooler who I met on accident”

Harley:  
….  
That’s not the point

Peter or something:  
Skfljafuahsf I have to go my class is starting in like  
30 seconds

Harley:  
Oh yea youre an hour ahead arent you  
Alright have fun  
Don’t curse too much

Peter or something:  
You sound like my aunt  
And I don’t curse!!!  
At least  
Not a lot

Harley:  
I knew it

Peter or something:  
Oh shit now I really gtg, my teacher almost saw me texting


	2. I get called a loser by 2 of my 3 only friends within the span of half a day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ned meets harley! Sort of

Harley:  
Ha fuckin loser  
Almost got their phone taken away  
Couldn't be me

Peter chuckles slightly as he looks down at the text before quickly turning of the phone and shoving it into his backpack. The bell had already rung, but people were still flowing into the classroom. It wasn't too surprising though, seeing as almost everyone had stayed up late working on the joint essay the history teacher assigned.

Yes Mr. Earnest, it makes total sense to assign your students a 2-page essay that they have to write in under a day on a topic they know very little about with another student that they barely know.

So maybe Peter is a little bitter about it. Sue him.

His little rant about the history project is cut short by the sound of a pile of books being dropped onto the table and a familiar voice whispering in a borderline conspiratorial tone.

"who are you texting? Is that Mr. Stark?" they let out a gasp," or is it one of the other avengers?! Is it captain America?! Can I say hi if it is?"

Peter lets out a small huff and smiles slightly at his friend.

"hello to you too, Ned. And no, it's not an avenger. Besides, haven't you've already met all of them already?" Peter questions. Ever since 2 months ago when they fought Thanos, Peter had introduced MJ and Ned to the avengers and some of the others. Ned was ecstatic every time he met an avenger, and MJ seemed liked she couldn't care less. But she did seem to enjoy meeting Pepper and got along quite well with Shuri, which is nice. Peter is 90% sure that MJ and Shuri are planning on dismantling the patriarchy, but he doesn't actually know.

"well yeah, but still! It's the Avengers, man!" Ned exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. Peter lets out a laugh at his antics, glad the teacher wasn't paying attention to them otherwise they would have gotten detention for how loud they were being. "So, who was it then? Because I know for a fact you only talk to me, MJ, and May if it's not one of the avengers or Ms. Potts." Ned says, elbowing him.

Peter glares at him playfully. "I have other friends! Like... uh..." he trails off. Ah. Ned is right. He really doesn't talk to anyone else. "ok so maybe you're right but that's not the point."

"what _is _the point then?" Ned questions. Peter turns to glance around and make sure the teacher isn't paying attention to them before turning back around to continue.__

"You know how I had to get Safiya's number to work on the essay in history?" Ned nods at this. "ok so basically, I typed one of the numbers wrong, so I accidentally texted some random person, but they were actually pretty cool, so we kept texting and turns out he's a high schooler as well, and his name is Harley. He? She? They? I don't know, I probably should've asked for their pronouns. Anyway, they're really funny but sarcastic as well. They kinda remind me of a mini Mr. Stark, actually. I don't know where they're from, but their time zone is only an hour behind ours." peter finally finishes his whisper rant.

"oh man that's so cool! You can have an online best friend! Well, second best friend." Ned whisper shouts. Peter laughs lightly.

"don't worry Ned, you'll always be my favorite. Man in the chair, remember?" the teen replies. Ned smiles before pausing for a second.

"Wait a second, I know for a fact that we were on a call together till at least midnight, so when were you even texting this kid?

"...would you be mad if I said 3 A.M...?" Peter questions quietly, a small nervous smile painting his face. Ned frowns.

"Jesus Peter, what is your sleep schedule? Didn't you say you'd start going to bed before 1 on non-patrol nights?" Ned asks. The vigilante-turned-superhero just laughs anxiously.

"I know, it's just that I had to work on the project with safiya, who for the record, was ALSO awake, and patrol has messed me up so I’m basically nocturnal at this point and-“

“Ok Jeeze man! Chill. I just don’t want you to pass out in the middle of class.” He jokes. Peter gives him a sheepish smile.

“Hahah, yeah...”

_____

12:32 P.M.

Peter or something:  
Hey I didnt ask before but what are you’re pronouns because I don’t wanna be a dick and get your pronouns wrong

Harley:  
Wow texting during class? How scandalous  
He/him btw

Peter or something:  
Speak for yourself im at lunch rn  
Ahah  
A fellow he/him  
Hello sir

Harley:  
Christy your weird  
We have lunch at the same time  
Fancy

Peter or something:  
‘Fancy’?

Harley:  
Youre the one that called me “sir”  
So hah.

Peter or something:  
I-  
Fjck youre right  
Fuck*

Harley:  
Im always right

Peter or something:  
>:p  
Not alwayshskwowmwnebebr

Harley:  
Tf  
You good?

Peter or something:  
Hi im peters friend ned i stole his phone

So youre the stranger danger guy

Harley:  
Did he seriously call me stranger danger

Peter or something:  
Yes  
Yes he didowhsuwjwblp  
No i didnt ned is just being dramatic  
Ive just been informed that i need to “get of your phone losers, the bell just rung”  
So ill text you later when im not being threatened by a very intimidating lady

Harley:  
Ha the bell just rung for me too  
Later nerd

Peter or something:  
Says you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea this is short and terrible but im having fun so its fine


	3. I get my boss grounded by snitching to his wife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and harley talk about homework, internships, and shitty school curriculums. Peter gets a call from stark and panicks slightly over it. Peter and harley talk about their parental figures.

Peter or something:

You wouldnt want to write my science essay for me would you

Harley:

I have known you for less than 24 hours and i live in an entirely different time zone.

What makes you think id do your homework??

Peter or something:

T^T

Youre no fun

But like

Its not that i dont know what to write

Its just that its sO MUCH

Omfg

These mfs told us we have to have 6 body paragraphs

What would i even write???

Harley:

Ha rip

Sucks for you

Peter or something:

Its not even anything that interesting that we have to do the essay on

Its just on nanotech which i already know all about

Ive literally worked with nanotech ffs

Harley:

Youve worked on nanotechnology before?!?

Also

Youre essay is on nanotech??

Bruh my school is so boring

I live in a tiny ass town so the curriculum is shit

The science classes are shit and the only electives we have are band and orchestra

Peter or something:

Oh yikes that sucks

My school is super science and tech oriented which is why we have an essay on that

Harley:

Thats awesome

that doesnt matter rn tho because im getting off topic

Youve worked with nanotech???????

s p i l l

(Peter starts panicking slightly. He didn’t want to tell Harley that he interns for Tony Stark yet...)

Peter or something:

Oh well i have an internship at a tech company and i sometimes get to help out with stuff

And one of the projects involved nanotech so i got to work on it a little

Its nothing special really

Harley:

Still cool tho

Hot take: you send me copies of your science homework because my school is shit

Like seriously you would think that they would teach you things that are actually important or interesting but all they have taught us for the past 2 years is that mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

Istg if i have to hear them say that one more time, iw i l ll o s em ym a r b l e s .

Peter or something:

Understandable

But like...

<IMAGE SENT>

<LINK SENT>

Harley:

I mean

I was joking but

Did

Did you actually send me a photo of youre homework assignment

Peter or something:

Maybe..?

Harley:

Im not complaining

I just started reading the article from the link you sent and im ngl, its actually really interesting

Ffs you’ve gotten to work with this stuff

Im jealous

Are you from new york?

Peter or something:

Yeah actually

Howd you know?

Harley:

I guessed, mainly

The article said that most companies that are working on nanotech rn are in new york, and you said youve worked with it before because of your internahip so it wasnt too hard to put together

Internship*

Plus your time zone matches new york

Peter or something:

Ok sherlock

Harley:

It wasnt that far of a leap

Peter or something changed ‘Harley’ to ‘Sherlock’

Sherlock:

...

Gee thanks

If i have to be sherlock then you have to be watson

Peter or something:

What why???

Sherlock changed ‘Peter or something’ to ‘watson’

Watson:

:(

But hey now we can catch criminals together or somthjng

Partners in crime(fighting)!!

Sherlock:

I didnt think this through did i

Watson:

Nope :)

Youre stuck with me forever

Sherlock:

I bet youre really clingy irl

Watson:

So ive been told

They dont seem to mind much tho so its fine

______

It has been a few weeks since Peter accidentally texted Harley for the first time. They text frequently, whether it be Peter spamming Harley with random articles he has to read for school, Harley calling peter at 2 A.M to play him a cover of ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ by Rick Astley on his guitar (Peter was not very amused by this, resulting in Harley accidentally falling out of his bed from laughing too hard. Peter panicked slightly at this because he thought Harley passed out), both of them sending terrible science memes and puns they found online during lunch, or Peter forcing Harley to send pictures of his dog (Harley wanted to get a cat but his younger sister is allergic).

Peter is sitting in the lunchroom with MJ and Ned, talking about the new Star Wars lego set that Peter and Ned are planning to put together later after school when his phone starts to ring.

The teen reaches into his backpack, fumbling around in the mess of his school materials before finally latching onto his phone. Pulling it out, he checks the contact. ‘Iron-dad’, the screen reads.

“Ah, hang on ned, Mr. Stark is calling me.” He says. Ned leans over and glances at his screen, letting out a snort.

“Did you seriously put Tony Stark, the genius billionaire, playboy, philanthropist as ‘ _iron-dad_ ”?!” Ned questions, humor and slight disbelief evident in his tone. Peter quickly shuts him up with a slight glare. He answers the call, putting the phone up to his ear.

“Hey Mr. Stark, wh-“ before Peter can finish, Tony cuts him off.

“Christ, underoos, is it that hard to pick up the phone on the first ring?”

“Well-“

“Anyway, I need you at the lab as soon as possible. I was messing with your suit when-“

“You were _what_?!?”

Tony continues as if Peter never interrupted. “The webs activated and shot literally everywhere. The labs absolutely messed up and I dont have your solution-“

“Mr. Stark I would love to help but-“

Tony continues to talk with the same nonchalance as always,”so if you could just swing by and drop some off that would be great.” As Tony talks, Peter can hear him tinkering with something in the background. Probably the Spider-Man suit if this conversation has anything to do with it.

“I can’t Mr. Stark, not right now.”

“What? Sure you can it’ll only take a second.” Tony sounds exhausted, the teen realizes. It finally clicks in Peter’s head at the realization.

“When was the last time you slept?” Peter asks, cautiousness lacing his words.

“Why does that matter? I just need some help with you webs.” The highschooler lets out a quiet but exasperated sigh at his response.

“...Mr. Stark, what day do you think it is?”

A slight pause.

“Like... Sunday? I know I’ve been in the lab for a while but-“

“...Mr. Stark, it’s _Tuesday_. Hey JARVIS?” Peter questions. He could hear Tony working on his project in the background so Peter assumed that he was on speaker and that JARVIS could hear him.

“Yes, mini-boss?” A smooth brittish voice says through the phone, quickly proving his assumption correct.

“Could you call Pepper down to Mr. Stark’s lab? If she isn’t in the building, then just get Uncle Rodey or Happy, please.”

“Hey hey hey, kid, no. What are you doing? I know I maybe forgot what day it was and haven’t slept in...” theres another pause, “almost 52 hours, but come on! God you’re turning more into Pepper every day.” The last bit was mumbled, but he was still able to hear it through the phone.

“Ms. Potts has been notified. She’s on her way.” Just as JARVIS says this, peter heres something slam, presumably the doors to the lab opening. Theres a faint tapping noise, most likely Pepper’s heels as she walks across the lab.

“Peter called me down here, Tony. Want to explain?” Peppers voice rings out. Before Tony can protest, Peter interrupts.

“Tony hasnt slept in almost 3 days and thought it was Sunday.”

“Oh you little _snitch_!” Tony says, no real malice behind it. Pepper sighs.

“Thank you Peter. At least one of you is responsible.” She halts for a second.”Aren’t you at school?”

“No. Well _yes_ , but it’s lunch time so I’m allowed to be on my phone.” He responds. Another sigh.

“Good. Now Tony, are you going to go to sleep willingly, or am i going to have to drag your unconscious body upstairs after i knock you out?” She says, her tone serious but slightly teasing.

“Im working! I still need to get this shi- _stuff_ cleaned up!” Tony says. Peter laughs slightly at Tony censoring himself.

“Alright, bye Mr. Stark.”

“No, don’t you dare pete, I swear to god if yo _u hang up_ -“

Theres a slight beep from the phone as Peter hits the end call button. Theres a short beat of silence before he bursts out laughing. MJ looks at him weirdly and Ned asks him what happened. He explains the event to his friends, enjoying how Ned just stares at him when he tells them that he hung up on Tony.

Just then, the bell rings, and Ned and MJ head off to class as Peter puts his stuff back into his bag. As he is shoving his lunchbox into his bag, it then occurs tk him.

He hung up on Tony Stark.

Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, i-am-ironman, _Tony Stark._

Pterodactyl:

Ahah

Guess I’ll die

Motorcycle man:

?

What did you do this time

Pterodactyl:

Uuhhhhhh

I may or may not have just hung up on my boss?

Motorcycle man:

HAHAHA

Rip

I call dibs on funeral director

Pterodactyl:

I dont think thats how that works

But like

I juST HUNG UP ON MY BOSS

I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

I JUST DID IT

WNJWBEIWOWMW

Motorcycle man:

Who do you work for anyway

(Peter is once again panicking.)

Pterodactyl:

Uh

I don’t actually know if im legally allowed to tell you?

They made me sign a bunch of forms that i didnt actually read so idk

(This is true. Peter was forced to sign an ungodly amount of NDAs because he works with the avengers.)

Motorcycle man:

So youre saying that you signed a form without reading it

You do realize they probably own your soul or some bullshit now, right?

Pterodactyl:

No!

Everyone who i work with is really nice

Motorcycle man:

Chill i was jokinf

Joking*

Alright then, who is youre boss to you emotionally, then?

Pterodactyl:

Uhhhhh

Hes kinda

Hes kinda like my dad i guess?

Is that weird

To see my boss as a parental figure?

Motorcycle man:

Eh not really

There are weirder people to view as a parent

Pterodactyl:

Yea like who

Motorcycle man:

Like a random guy who broke into youre garage when you were ten, had a panic attack over aliens, caused a bar fight and got attacked by weird soldier dudes, broke your sister’s watch, and then gave you a shit ton of tech to make up for it

Pterodactyl:

That is terrifyingly specific

Wait did that happen to you

Motorcycle man:

What im trying to say is i doubt youll get fired for hanging up on your dad-boss

Pterodactyl:

I guess youre right

Thanks

But we’re talkinf about the whole “my parental figure is a random guy who broke into my garage” thing later

Motorcycle man:

Its quite an interesting story

Ill tell you after school

I cant tell you who the person is or some of the details but i can tell you everything else

Pterodactyl:

??

Motorcycle man:

Idk man

non disclosure agreement papers or some shit


	4. I met a god and made them play Mario Kart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter meets Loki and it has nothing to do with the plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this doesn't have anything to do with the main plot but i really wanted to write peter meeting the avengers and co. since we dont really get to see them actually interact. I realized that it would fit this fanfic even if it had nothing to do with the plot so im adding it.
> 
> But before that, heres a little rundown of what happened in this AU during infinity war just so it makes more sense:
> 
> When thanos attacks the Asgardians on the ship, it happens exactly the same except loki doesnt die. Thor and loki get picked up by the guardians, and loki, thor, rocket, and groot go to get thor a new hammer. Thanos doesnt have to kill gamora to get thag infinity stone in this world, so shes still alive. Everything follows the original plot until when shuri is trying to remove the stone from vision. In this version, shuri is able to get the stone out of visions head, and vision lives. However, thanos still gets the stone. Thanos now has all the stones, but before he can snap, thor fucking decapitates thanos because loki yelled at him and said,"STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING PUSSY AND GO FOR THE HEAD!". After they kill thanos, they decide to destroy the stones, which they eventually figure out how to do. They end up finding peter, strange, stark, and the other guardians, taking them back to earth. Since the snap never happened, scott doesnt get stuck as really tiny for three years.
> 
> TL:DR- no one died and thor fucking decapitated thanos before he could cause the snap

“Hey Pete, you know how you said you wanted to meet the other Avengers? Well, officially meet them. I wouldn’t count stealing cap’s shield and getting thrown out a window by Falcon’s drone as an actual meeting.”

Tony and Peter are in Tony’s personal lab at the tower, working on one of the web shooters. Tony wants to improve the distance the webs can shoot, and ever since Tony accidentally exploded the web containers all over the lab because of sleep deprivation, aka The Incident, as Rodey dubbed it, they don’t let Tony work on the spider-man suit alone. And seeing as it’s Peter’s suit, he is normally the one in the lab supervising. Well, they call it supervising, but in reality, Peter tends to encourage Tony to mess with stuff. 

“You heard about the drone thing?” Peter asks sheepishly.” Wait- why are you bringing this up?” 

“Thor and his brother, Loki, are coming to the tower in a few hours. I figured you’d want to meet them.” Tony says in a nonchalant voice, still staring at the hologram of the web shooter layout in front of him. Peter’s head snaps up at the words. 

“holy crap really?!” He practically yells.

“hey, language. But yes, point break and reindeer games are coming. And since you’re already here, I thought I’d tell you.” peter’s face breaks into a huge smile as tony speaks.

‘Holy shit, they’re literally Asgardians! Thor literally was the one to kill Thanos! That’s so cool!’ he thinks to himself, excitement coursing through his veins. ‘...I probably shouldn’t describe murder as cool, even if it was a bad guy.’

“alright kiddo, I can here you internally freaking out from all the way over here. Ok, pass me that screwdriver. I need to tighten this.”

________

It has been a few hours since the two gods arrived at the tower. Peter met Thor around an hour ago in the Avenger’s common room. Thor is nice, but somewhat strange. To be expected though, seeing as he is from an entirely different planet. They ended up bonding over poptarts, which was kind of weird but Peter didn’t really mind. The god had just left, and Peter is still sitting on one of the couches in the common room, snacking on a remaining poptart and scrolling through his phone.

Peter hears the elevator open from down the hall, and turns his head to see who it is. As the doors open, a man with shoulder-length black hair wearing a green and black outfit of a similar style to Thor. It takes him a moment before he realizes who it is. They turn towards Peter, face blank of any emotion.

“ah. I was not aware there would be anyone else up here.” Loki says, still staring at Peter. He knows that Loki is on their side now, or at least relatively. But still, Peter couldn’t help but be intimidated by the trickster god. Loki’s dark green eyes seemed to stare into his soul, knowing all his darkest secrets with just a glance.

‘wait... green?’

“you know he’s not going to stab you, right, underoos?” a familiar voice rings out behind him. Peter turns away from the elevator and Loki to see Tony leaning against the counter in the kitchen. His eyebrows are raised as he looks at Peter. But as much as Tony tries to hide it, he can still see that Tony is tense. He doesn’t seem to completely believe his own words.

“no, it’s not that. It's just...” Peter trails off, turning back to the Asgardian. The teen’s eyebrows furrow and his eyes narrow slightly as he stares at Loki. He looked almost exactly the same as he did in the many videos that Peter had seen from the attack he launched on New Nork, but his eyes seemed to be a different color. That alone wouldn’t be that strange, seeing as he can shapeshift and literally do magic, but it was the specific eye color that threw Peter off. He assumed that Loki’s blue eyes in the videos were his natural eye color, but now that he’s seen Loki in real life, he doubts its true. He could’ve had those bright blue eyes during his attack as a side effect of using the stone in the staff, except that didn’t make much sense. Why go through all that trouble fighting the Avengers, just to work with them in the end? Unless...

They were the same color as the others who got controlled by the stone.

Holy shit.

Loki goes to open his mouth, presumably to say something about Tony’s comment, but is cut off by Peter.

“Your eyes!” he blurts out. Loki blinks, clearly taken aback by the outburst from a random teen that he has never met before.

“sorry, it’s just, your... eyes...they’re the right color now... or wrong color? I, um, I don’t really know.” peter says, completely void of any confidence. Behind him, Tony looks at him in confusion, clearly not understanding. Loki, however, seems to realize what Peter is talking about. He smirks slightly.

“I have to admit, I’m somewhat surprised a child that I’ve never met figured it out before anyone else did, including my own brother.” Loki pauses at this. “well, adopted brother, but the point still stands.”

“Wait really? No one else noticed? But... they literally fought you. Huh. You would’ve thought they’d noticed.”

“That is exactly what I thought. However, most of you people are idiots, so it’s not that surprising when you look back on it.” the god replies.

“So it wasn’t really you doing all that?” Peter questions.

“physically? Yes, it was my body. But in every other sense? No. I didn’t have any control none of it was willing.” Loki answers, attempting to keep his face completely blank but failing. Peter could see the guilt in his eyes as he speaks.

Tony clears his throat to get their attention. His hands are both in the air and waving back and forth when Peter turns to look at him. 

“wait, wait, wait. What’s going on? What the hell are you talking about?” tony asks, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Loki turns to his with a blank stare.

“you said you are a genius, Stark. Figure it out.” the trickster deadpans. Tony splutters at his answer and Peter hides his mouth with his hand in a failed attempt to muffle his laugh. Loki turns back to the teen, completely ignoring the billionaire. 

“I don’t believe we have met yet. What is your name?” Loki asks the teen.

“o-oh yeah! Sorry!” Peter stutters out “I’m Peter Parker. Also known as Spider-Man.” 

Loki hums in acknowledgment.

“I heard about you from Strange. Apparently, you kicked Thanos in the face?” 

“ah, yea I did do that, didn’t I?” he answers, face slightly flushed in embarrassment. Loki just nods.

“Nice.” the god responds. Peter smiles.

“you know, for a supposed supervillain, you’re not that bad.” Loki stares at peter for a second, before a smile and hesitant smile appears on the Asgardian’s face.

“you are not too bad yourself, spiderling.”

Throughout the exchange, Tony just stares at the two in confusion as Peter asks Loki all about his magic and Loki gets Peter to stand on the ceiling. He smiles and shakes his head, promising himself he would look into what Peter had meant by Loki’s eyes being different. But for right now, he just sits and watches as the unlikely duo talk.

_________

Bonus (kinda?):

‘Of course the kid gets along better with the one that tried to destroy New York over the one who literally owns a hammer that proves how worthy of a hero he is.’ Tony thinks to himself as the three of them head to the elevator to meet up with Thor. 

It has been about 3 hours since Peter and Loki met, and the latter had already been introduced to Mario kart by the teen in that time. Loki had then proceeded to absolutely dominate the game, much to the surprise of Tony. But now Loki and Thor need to go back to Asgard, since whatever Thor had come to Earth to do in the first place was finished. 

Before they step into the elevator though, Peter pauses, before turning around and dashing back to the common room.

“Thor left his hammer. He must have set it down when he first came up and then forgot to bring it with him.” Peter explains as he heads down the hall. Tony sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“alright, we’ll have to call him up here to grab it. Hey JAR-”

“Why can’t one of us just grab it and take it down with us?” peter questions. Tony sighs again, squeezing his eyes shut.

‘of course he doesn’t know the hammer is magic, it isn’t exactly common knowledge and I doubt anyone told him.’

“Pete, it doesn’t work like that.” he says, attempting to restrain the exasperation in his voice. Of course, Thor left his hammer here. He just had to, didn’t he?

He hears a slight thump and the sound of quiet footsteps as he thinks of how to explain the magic hammer to Peter. His eyes snap open at the sound of a strange strangled noise coming from behind him, presumably Loki. He turns to question why he sounds like a dying dolphin before stopping in his tracks.

Peter is holding Mjolnir.

What.

“Wha- Peter how did you do that?” he chokes out after a few seconds of making similar noises to Loki. Peter tilts his head slightly and looks at him strangely.

“what do you mean? I just grabbed it?” Peters eyes widen slightly. “Oh! Should I not have touched it? Is that rude? I’m so sorry I didn’t know!” Loki seems to shake himself out of his daze at that.

“No, it isn’t considered rude. I’m just surprised you are able to pick it up. Most people aren’t able to.” Loki answers. Peter seems relieved about this for a moment, before quickly becoming confused again.

“what do you mean, ‘most people aren’t able to’?” Loki chuckles at that.

“come on, spiderling. I’ll explain on the way down.” the god replies. 

As the pair walk towards the elevator, Tony is still frozen in place because ‘holy shit, my sort-of kid just picked up Thor’s hammer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOKI AND PETER MEETING: *peter geeks out over lokis magic while loki just stares at this psychotic child who doesnt seem to care that he supposedly tried to take over the planet by opening a giant worm hole over new york*


	5. Hey, here’s an idea: maybe don’t do terrorism?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley and Peter talk criminal minds, danganronpa, and civil war. + iron-dad and spider-son fluff with just a hint of angst. Very mild though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I just realized that JARVIS is dead at the current point in the timeline, but I put him in one of the other chapters. So ive decided that Tony somehow found a way to put JARVIS back together, so he’s back now.
> 
> I’m sure you could tell from the past chapters, but I don’t know shit about technology. So just roll with it whenever they start spewing random bullshit that doesn’t apply to logic at all.
> 
> Knowledge of Criminal Minds or Danganronpa is not required, however they do talk about it.

*around 3 weeks later*

Peter Pan:

Yo

I finally started watching criminal minds

Ok I say “finally”

I started watching a couple weeks ago

Harley Quinn:

And you didn’t tell me

Wtf man I thought we were friends

Peter Pan:

:(

Harley Quinn:

What seashb

Season*

Jesus fuck man

Peter Pan:

Season 3, they just introduced rossi

This man has no concept of teamwork

Harley Quinn:

I lowkey hated him in the beginning but now he’s one of my favorites

Peter Pan:

Bruh Reid almost has as much trauma as I do

Harley Quinn:

…

Are you good???

Because he gets kidnapped drugged and shot

Peter Pan:

He gets shot???

Harley Quinn:

I meAN-

nO YOU HEARD NOTHING

Peter Pan:

Wow you’re shit at lying

Harley Quinn:

Fuck you no im not

Peter Pan:

Uh huh sure let’s go with that

Keep telling yourself that

Harley Quinn:

Bitch

Peter Pan:

Jerk

Harley Quinn:

Ffs how many TV references are you going to make????

Peter Pan:

All of them

All the references

Harley Quinn:

I hate you

Peter Pan:

Shut up no you dont

Harley Quinn:

I do

I genuinely do

Peter Pan:

:((((

Harley Quinn:

No

Peter Pan:

:((((

Harley Quinn:

nO

Peter Pan:

:(

Harley Quinn:

….

Ok I’m sorry

I don’t hate you

Peter Pan:

:D

Harley Quinn:

You’re like a dog

Like a little golden retriever

Peter Pan:

I take that as a compliment

Harley Quinn:

You are so incredibly easy to please

Peter Pan:

I am awarjehwi

Fuvk

Harley Quinn:

Tf

Peter Pan:

I tripped

Harley Quinn:

Pfttt-

Peter Pan:

Its not funny

Harley Quinn:

Ok Makoto Naegi kinnie

Peter Pan:

Who

Harley Quinn:

Don’t worry about it

Peter Pan:

Ok I looked him up

What’s trigger happy havoc?

Harley Quinn:

Uhhh

Don’t worry about it

(Peter looks up from his phone and turns to his lab partner.

“Hey Ned, have you ever heard of trigger happy havoc?”

Ned glances up at peter and pauses their assignment. He seems to sit and think for a second before responding.

“No I don’t think so. Why?”

“Harley just compared me to one of the characters, I think. I don’t know what it’s about though.” Peter answers, scratching the back of his head. Before Ned can say anything else, a different voice interrupts him.

“It’s a game about murdering your classmates.” MJ cuts in as she walks by, not even looking up from her book as she strides past their table.

“…what..?!?” Peter chokes out.”but it just looks like a shitty dating game! Here, look.” He shoves his phone into Ned’s hands, search engine open with pictures of the game shown.

“I don’t know man, look at the game summary.”

“…oh. MJ wasn’t joking. that’s sO MISLEADING WHY-“)

Peter:

WTF WHY DO PEOPLE PLAY THIS

ITS SO DARK

Harley Quinn:

It’s a video game about murder what did you expect

Peter Pan:

IDK I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A WEIRD DATING SIM BECAUSE OF THE GAME STYLE BUT THEN I READ THE WIKI PLOT SUMMARY

WHAT THE SHIT

Harley Quinn:

Says the one who said they have more trauma than Spencer Reid

—

Pantaloons:

Why the fuck did you change my name to pantaloons??

And when??

Pantaloons changed “Harley Quinn” to “hemorrhoid”

Hemorrhoid:

I-

What the fuck

Ok I kinda deserve it

But why hemorrhoid

Pantaloons:

Idk it just sounds wack

That’s not what I texted you for tho

This is very important

Hemorrhoid:

Okay?

Pantaloons:

Whos side of the civil war so you agree with

Hemorrhoid:

Uhh

Probably the people who think having slaves are bad

Obviously

Pantaloons:

What

No

I mean

Iron man vs captain America

Hemorrhoid:

Ohhhh

Iron man all the way

Duh

Captain America and his team is literally a terrorist by definition

Pantaloons:

Oh thank god

Hemorrhoid:

Tony may have an ego but at least he doesn’t think he’s about the law

Pantaloons:

THANK YOU! Like, I get that they were temporarily pardoned, but the didn’t do much overall in the fight against thanos tbh

Hemorrhoid:

Yea I heard that too

Do you think they’ll be fully pardoned?

Pantaloons:

Honestly? I think they will

I’m not sure they deserve it

But the public has a lot more pull than they realize

They should be sent to prison tho

They committed blatant terrorism and for some reason think theyre above the law??? Bitch please

Nobody’s above the law

Except like

The queen

Hemorrhoid:

Didn’t she say she could legally kill the president if he comes to England?

Pantaloons:

Not only is she older than the earth itself but she is also the definition of an icon

Hemorrhoid:

Do you think laws apply to the Pope

Pantaloons:

Idk probably not

Isn’t the Pope not allowed to do the dirty or something?

Hemorrhoid:

I know you’re a pussy but just say sex

It sounds better than “doing the dirty”

Also where did you hear this???

Pantaloons:

I don’t really remember but I’m pretty sure it was some sort of buzzfeed video??

I just remember that the buzzfeed unsolved/watcher dudes were there

Hemorrhoid:

Shane Madej and Ryan Bergara?

Pantaloons:

Ye

(Peter lets out a relieved sigh. He had a feeling that Harley would be on team iron man, but he didn’t fully know. It wasn’t something he could go without knowing. It’s also definitely not a topic where you can just say “agree to disagree” and move on.

While peter doesn’t necessarily agree with all of the accords, he does with a majority of it. Captain America’s team, however, didn’t even read through the entirety of the Accords. They were told a basic outline of what it is, and then immediately threw it out the window, practically declaring themselves above the law. Which- hang on, what’s the definition of tyranny? …Peter is going to look this up later because it sort of sounds similar to what the captain is doing…

‘Ok, so maybe tyranny doesn’t exactly fit what they’re doing, but it is somewhat similar.’ Peter thinks later on that day, his computer display showing a search engine pulled up with the definition of tyranny pulled up.)

—

*a few days later*

Peter sits in on a rotating stool in Tony’s personal lab, tweaking some of the wires in his web shooters when his spider senses go off.

He slams the web shooter around his wrist, spinning around to face whatever set him off, figures poised to shoot.

“Hey, woah kid, chill.” Tony says. His hands up in the air air in a placating manner. Peter’s eyes widen and he quickly lowers his arms.

“Sorry, I just didn’t hear you come in, and FRIDAY didn’t announce anything, and then my spider senses went off so I thought someone broke in and-“ peter can feel his breath speeding up into short quick breaths, his heart hammering in his chest.

“It’s alright, kiddo, just- breath, okay? You’re safe, no one broke in, FRIDAY is just turned off so I can run some diagnostics on her. Everything is fine.” Tony says, pulling Peter into a hug. As the teen calms down, Tony runs his hand through Peter’s hair.

After a few minutes, Tony loosens his hold on Peter, leaning back to look at him. His eyebrows are knit with concern, lips pulled down in a frown.

“Are you alright, Pete?”

“I-yeah.. I am. I just. Kids at my school are mean sometimes. It’s nothing I can’t handle, of course, just highschoolers being highschoolers, but… after a while it gets to you, you know?”

“I get it kid. Even as a rich privileged kid, people were still assholes. I guess the human race inherently can’t stand when someone is better than them” Tony responds. His voice is quiet but the tone is heavy, a far away look in Tony’s eyes.. “I, uh… I tended to get kicked around before people realized who my dad was, and then everyone would try to use me for money. Not the best times, I’ll tell you. So I understand, I really do.”

Peter sniffs slightly. He sets down his web shooters and falls back onto the stool.

“Yeah… it doesn’t really help that no one believes that I actually have an internship here.”

“What? I literally have the forms for it. So does the school.”

“To be fair, it’s mostly the students-”

“Mostly?”

“-and it’s not like it’s impossible to forge a signature.”

Tony frowns at this. He is quiet for a few moments before speaking up again.

“You know I can just buy your school, right?”

“Mr. Stark nO-“

Tony laughs and ruffles the teen’s hair.

“Alright kid, you need to take a break. You’ve been in here for- FRIDAY help me out here-“

“3 hours and 47 minutes.” The AI fills in.

“What she said. Besides, it’s practically dinner time and your Aunt will kill me if you miss a meal. Star Wars and pizza?” He asks. Peter’s eyes practically light up at the statement.

“yES! Thank you, Daaaa-octor Stark. Yea. Dr. Stark. That’s what I meant to say.” Tony raises an eyebrow.

“Really? So it’s dr. Stark now. Ok, I see how it is.” He states dryly as he turns to leave the lab. Peter splutters as he runs after tony.

“What? No-that’s not- I didn’t-“

Tony cuts him off with a laugh before entering the elevator.

“Whatever kid.” He says with a smile, keeping the door open for Peter. He hits the button for the main living room, which happens to have a large screen TV. “Hey FRI, order a pepperoni pizza from that joint a few blocks down. Actually- call pepper and Rhodey, they’re still in the building, right? Oh, and make it 2 pizzas. If we’re gonna have a movie night, might as well go all out, right?”

“I think 3 pizzas would be better, actually.” Peter interrupts. Tony smiles at him, and Peter smiles back.

“Well, you heard the kid. 3 pizzas.”

A few months ago, Tony would’ve argued that he would make a terrible father figure. But now, seeing how happy Peter is, hearing the teen almost call him dad, seeing the delight on Harley’s face whenever they would talk about some new tech that he had sent the kid, he couldn’t deny how he doesn’t mind. Not at all.

After all, Tony has seen the two teens as his kids for years, legally or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the time jumps I’m just really lazy. Nothing important happens, they just talk and become even more chaotic.


	6. Neither of us speak Russian but hey, утка, am I right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jshlatt, flash grenades, and peter sort of finding out about who Harley is but also boy at all. Dumb oblivious teenagers basically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by an actual conversation I had with my friends. If you can found spamming волк and утка as a conversation.
> 
> Also, Peter and Harley don’t know each other’s last names, only their first names. That’s important.

Peter:

утка

Harley:

Ytka?

Peter:

утка

Harley:

утка

Peter:

утка

утка

утка

утка

утка

Harley:

утка

утка

утка

Peter:

утка

Harley:

волк

Peter:

Wait do you watch shlatt????

Harley:

Yea do you???

Peter:

Yes holy shit!!!

Harley:

Bruh I thought you just knew Russian for some reason

Peter:

Nah I know how to say duck and wolf

That’s it

Also why duck??? I know this was like

A year ago but

It’s clearly called untitled g o o s e game???

Harley:

Idk man it’s 3 am I don’t have the brain cells for this

Wait it’s 4 am for you

Why the fuck are you awake

Peter:

Message read at 4:32

Harley:

WHY DID YOU TYPE THAT OUT

YOU KNOW IT DOENST WORK LIKE TJAT RIGHT

ITS 3 FOR ME NOT 4

peTER

GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING GOBLIN

Peter:

…

…утка?

Harley:

I-

Bruh

—

CRASH,

“Holy shitballs!” Peter screeches, practically falling out of his stool at the noise. Tony’s head pokes out from behind the wall.

“Sorry, sorry. My fault.” He calls over to peter, tugging the scorched safety goggles off his face. “I was messing around with some flash grenades, trying to get the ratio for some of the chemicals right. It, ah… didn’t work very well.”

Tony scratches his head slightly, clutching the safely goggles loosely in his other hand. Peter laughs lightly, watching as the millionaire attempts to get soot and grime out of his hair.

“Hey kid, my phone is right next to you. Call Dr. Kiligan down in the R&D department, would you? She’s good with things like this, she’ll probably be able to help.” Tony asks, still running his hands through his hair.

“Is FRIDAY still offline?” The teen questions as he grabs Tony’s phone.

“Yup.” He answers, “haven’t finished all the diagnostic checks yet. Should be done by tomorrow.”

“Ah, I don’t have the password.”

“Just do facial recognition instead of the PIN number. Your face is already in my phone and I set it to recognize you.” Tony replies in a nonchalant voice. Peter’s eyes widen slightly at this.

“Y-you did?”

“Course I did, kiddo. I trust you, why wouldn’t I?” Peter couldn’t stop from smiling at that. He knew how hard Tony’s life is, and how many times he has been betrayed or hurt. The fact that Tony Stark, a millionaire with the definition of trust issues, considered peter to be trustworthy, makes him extremely happy.

He opens the phone, immediately going to open the contacts app and scrolling through the names. He pauses for a second before stopping.

“What did you say their name was again?” He says with a twinge of embarrassment. Tony shakes his head and smiles fondly.

“Doctor Kiligan. She should be under the K section in my contacts.”

Peter scrolls through, surprised at the low amount of names in his contacts. Peter actually knows most of his contacts, or at least vaguely recognizes their names. He quickly reaches the Ks, clicking on the contact titled “Kiligan”. He presses the call button.

“Emily Kiligan speaking.” A female voice crackles through the speakers.

“Yeah, I know, I called you.” Tony snarks.

“R-right, sorry sir. What do you need me for?”

“Ah, I need some help with the chemical balance of a new flash grenade I’m working on. You specialize in this kinda shi-“ Tony glances at Peter. “-stuff, right?”

“Uh, um. Yes. Yes sir.”

“Good because I may be a genius but I can’t quite figure out how to put the ‘flash’ in a flash grenade. I’ll be down to the department’s floor in a few minutes.”

“Of course sir.” Tony nods towards peter, and peter clicks the end call button.

Peter goes to shut off the phone, but before he can, one of the contacts abound Dr. Kiligan’s name caught his attention. He didn’t know why it caught his attention. It just did, sort of similar to his spider sense except… it didn’t feel like something bad was going to happen. Just that it has some sort of… vibe, almost. It also helps that he doesn’t recognize the name, not even vaguely.

“Hey Mr. Stark, who’s ‘Keener’?” Peter asks. Tony quickly wipes down his hands, getting the excess grease and junk.

“Oh, he’s another teenager I met a couple years back during the whole Mandarin incident. You know when I ‘died’? I crash landed in his town and he help me out. Probably would’ve died without him.”

Peter blanches slightly. The fact that Tony could talk about his own supposed death with little to no worry was slightly concerning.

However, the fact that the was another teenager who Tony could tolerate was interesting. Tony is good with surprisingly good with kids, he just had a very low amount of patience when it comes them. But if you’ve got a good head on you shoulder and, by some miracle, can keep up with his technobabble, his patience bar increases exponentially.

“How old is he?” Peter asks as he hands Tony his phone back.

“He’s your age. 16. I’ll have to introduce you someday. However, he does live in an entirely different state which may prove to throw a wrench in those plans.” Tony pauses as if something occurs to me. “What am I talking about I’m literally a millionaire. I have my own goddamn jet.”

Peter laughs for a second at Tony’s antics. Suddenly, a thought pops into his head.

“Wait… if Keener is 16… the mandarin incident was almost 6 years ago- a 10 year old saved your ass?!?” Peter cackles.

“Oh god, you sound just like him. Never mind, I take it back. I’m never letting you two meet. This tower will get set on fire within the first 5 minutes if you meet.”

“But a tEN YEAR OLD?!?” Peter nearly falls out of his chair laughing as Tony smiles fondly and rolls his eyes towards the teen.

“Whatever, kiddo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sorry.  
> I’m just lazy and have no idea what to write. If anyone has ideas feel free to tell me!  
> I will be doing the Stark industries field-trip in this at some point because I love those fics with all my soul.


	7. I beat up some guys with an alleged criminal for bonding time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spider-Man meets Daredevil and daredevil immediately emotionally adopts him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been at least a year since I last watched daredevil so o remember nothing from the plot, but lets say that it takes place after foggy finds out about Matt being daredevil, and around 3 months before Peter meets Tony.
> 
> If you haven’t watched daredevil and have no idea what it’s about, the gist of it is that Daredevil is a vigilante who patrols Hell’s Kitchen. Daredevils civilian identity is Matt Murdock, a blind catholic lawyer. Yes, he really is a blind vigilante. His other senses are heightened but he doesn’t have super strength or anything like that (He can hear heat beats and shit, that’s how good his hearing is).

The sun has just disappeared behind the horizon when Peter crawls out his window and onto the roof of his apartment building. The sky is dark now, deep blues and purples painting the sky, small light strokes of pink and orange appearing near the edge of the city skyline. Clouds spill across the expanse, blocking the stars from sight. 

Peter sits on the roof, back against the cold brick as he stares at the sky. It has been around 4 months since the teen got his newfound abilities. Since then, he has been making a small name for himself as “Spider-Man” by stopping petty crime and helping out where he can, clad in a semi-poorly made costume. It allows him to lower the sensory input he gets from his now-heightened senses and hide his face, but really isn’t very effective outside of that.

The vigilante has been trying to expand his patrol areas in the recent nights, leaving Queens and heading into nearby areas. Tonight was one of those nights. Peter stood up, pushing himself off the wall. He walks the to edge of the building, jumping off without a second thought as he throws out his arms and activates his web shooters.

As he swings across the city, he keeps his ears and eyes searching for any indication of distress or crime. As the next few hours pass by, he stops a few minor robberies and helps out some people with more menial tasks.

After a while, he ends up outside of queens, near the edge of Hell’s Kitchen. He normally tries to avoid this area, because of another vigilante who patrols here and is notorious for being quite aggressive. They literally call him ‘Daredevil’, after all. 

He debates leaving the area, since there is already someone who patrols this section of the city, but before he can decide anything, he hears gunshots coming from a few blocks away. He quickly dispels any thoughts of leaving, immediately dashing in the direction of the gunshot sounds. Maybe running towards the sounds of a gunfight isn’t necessarily the best idea when you’re wearing what is essentially a onesie and have little to no previous fighting experience, but Peter can’t think about that right now. As he swings over rooftops, he quickly reaches the origin of the noise. 

6 men stand in the alleyway below where he is perched. Well, when he says “stand”, 4 of them are standing while the other two seemed to be passed out on the ground. From where Peter is hiding, it looks like a it’s 3 on 1 fight.

As the vigilante looks closer, he takes in their appearances. The first 3 men are all buff white males around 6 foot, all carrying a gun of some sort. They look like they’re straight out of a shitty Hollywood movie about the mafia, if Peter is being honest. The other 2 on the ground seem to fit the description quite similarly as well.

The other guy, however, is shorter, weapon-less, and looks bruised to hell yet seems to be winning. Another glance seems to prove his theory correct, because its _fucking daredevil holy shit-_

The sound of another gunshot rings out, shaking him from his thoughts. He glanced back down at the fight. It seems that daredevil dodged the shot, but Peter doubts he can keep it up much longer.

He quickly swings down, crashing his foot into the back of guy #1’s head, slamming him to the ground. Pivoting, he quickly snaps his arms out and webs guy #1 to the ground. Daredevil seems to have guy #2 under control, so Peter turns and runs at #3. He doesn’t have a good way of differentiating who he’s talking about yet since he doesn’t know their names, but for now guy #1, guy #2, and guy #3 will have to do. 

As he approaches guy #3, he slides under the mans legs, coming around the back and shooting webs at the back of the guy’s head as he tries to shoot Peter. Both of them dodge the shots from the gun and webs alike. Peter jumps back onto the wall, shooting a web at a pole a floor or two above their heads. 

Using the momentum from pushing off the wall, he swings down on the web and slams his feet into guy #3’s stomach, causing him to keel over from the sudden force. The young vigilante lands on the group and releases his web. He turns and shoots his web at #3’s hands, binding them together before the man has a chance to try and get back up. 

He shoots his webs at guys #1 and #3 once more for good measure, making sure they can’t escape. Peter quickly swipes their guns, tossing them aside. He turns towards where daredevil is, standing over guy #2 with bloody fists. The younger vigilante cringes slightly at the sit.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the help, but who the hell are you and what are you doing in Hell’s Kitchen?” Daredevil says, breathing heavily. “I thought I made it pretty clear that I work alone. And I don’t like you people.”

Peter flinches slightly. Shit, he was more concerned about the fight itself than what would happen afterward.

“U-uh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Daredevil, sir, I didn’t intend on coming over here, it’s just- I was patrolling right outside the edge of Hell’s Kitchen- not that I doubt your abilities or anything! I know this is your territory so I try and stay away, you know? and I was about to go home but then I heard the gunshots from a few blocks away and I couldn’t just sit around and do nothi-“

“You’re a kid.” Daredevil states with absolute certainty. Peter can physically _feel_ his heartbeat quicken as his eyes widen in panic. 

“W-what?!? No I’m not I-“

“Theres no point in lying. I can hear your heartbeat speeding up.” Daredevil says as he rubs his stomach. He must’ve bruised his ribs, peter assumes. “You’re what? 14?”

“nO! I’m 15!”

“That’s not much better, kid.”

“For the record, my name is Spider-Man!”

Daredevil snorts. 

“Of course, _Spider-Man._ ” he responds in a somewhat sarcastic tone. “You know you probably shouldn’t be out here. You’re only in high-school, right?”

“I’m not-“

“Don’t bother trying to lie. I’ll hear it, remember?” 

Peter sighs. It’s the same routine with every hero he meets.

“Look, I’ve heard it before, ok? I’m too young, too impulsive, no self preservation, I should leave it to the adults. You don’t need to tell me as well.” Peter tried to sound angry, but in the end he just sounded slightly sad and defeated. Daredevil frowns. 

“I don’t like the idea of kids being out of the streets fighting gang members at 3 am on a Tuesday night, but I doubt you’re going to stop anyway.” Peter head snaps back up to where Daredevil is standing. “You’re not too bad, really. Some more hand-to-hand combat and maybe get better at evading the cops, and then you might not get killed within 2 months of doing this.”

Peter feels his face slowly break into a smile. 

“Are you offering to train me…?”

Daredevil shrugs. 

“If you’re up for it. Besides, I owe you one.” Daredevil says, gesturing towards the unconscious men on the ground, 2 of which are covered in webs.

“Got a number?” Daredevil says, pulling out what has to be one of the oldest flip phones peter has ever seen in his life. 

“O-oh! Yeah!” Peter stutters, grabbing the phone from Daredevils hands and imputing his number.

“Thank you daredevil!” Peter says, smiling wide. Daredevil smiles back.

“Call me Mike.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter! Sorry...  
> I hope you enjoyed anyway, though!  
> It’s one am for me right now so I should probably go to sleep.  
> Night losers <3
> 
> Edit: I am aware his name is Matt, not Mike, but he’s giving the kid a fake name. Basically, Matt trusts the kid somewhat, but he’s not just gonna give away his identity automatically.


	8. The PR team might kill me, but Twitter is worth it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spidey gets a Twitter, the ocean is really fucking big, peter is definitely not an alien, and definitely does hate his school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t have Twitter so I have no idea how it operates or what the average amount of followers is, or even what the layout looks like so this may be trash but hey, I’m having fun.
> 
> Sorry its so short, im just slowly loosing motivation to do literally anything

Peter Parker :) @PeanutButter_parker

Terrorism: not poggers

104 tweets 237 following 92 followers

—

Harley @myfatherfigureisworsethanyours

Iron man broke into my garage once

45 tweets 179 following 34 followers

—

Take a guess. @Iron man

Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.

276 tweets 86 following 19 m followers

—

Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! @Spideyman

Saving kittens from trees and punching thanos since 2015

1 tweet 11 following 4 followers

—

Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! @Spideyman

I’m on Twitter now :)))

Rory @rory682

@spideyman Wait is this just a fan account or the real deal???

Die or die there is no option @queeroldshoes

@spideyman Holy shit Spider-Man finally got a Twitter

Take a guess. @ironman

@spideyman God damn it we talked about this. Tell pepper before you do anything stupid. And you wonder why the PR team hates us.

Rip Wilby @sombirdo

@spideyman @iamironman OMFG ITS ACTUALLY SPIDER-MAN. TONY STARK \REPLIED. THE LAD REALLY MADE A TWITTER ACCOUNT!!

Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! @spideyman

@iamironman I’m sorry mr Stark, but to be fair you have a Twitter too, and you’ve probably posted some stuff that the pr team didn’t like either

Take a guess. @ironman

@spideyman oh so you’ll get cocky with me when you’re online and not when you’re front of me? I see how it is.

Friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! @spideyman

@iamironman :)

—

Peter Parker :) @PeanutButter_parker

Some of you haven’t had to explain to your boss that being emotionally manipulated and lied to for years by someone they consider a friend isnt okay and it shows.

Mighty chair-man @nedscience

Are you ok, man?

Peter Parker :) @Peanutbutter_parker

I am but my boss sure as hell isn’t

—

Harley @myfatherfigureisworsethanyours

Welcome back to me ranting to myself on the internet. On today's menu: which one of you motherfuckers thought killing the dinosaurs was a good idea. I just wanna talk, I swear. I could have had a pet pterodactyl but nO-

—

WHY ARE WE TRYING TO GO TO SPACE WHEN ONLY 3 PERCENT OF THE OCEAN HAS BEEN EXPLORED AND WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS???

Vroom vroom:

Ok 

So

I get that aliens are real

And we need to set up lines of communication with them if we don’t want to get murdered by them

However.

Bread:

?

Vroom vroom:

Are people aware that only around 3 percent of the ocean has been explored???

Fuck the aliens man, I wanna know whats living on our own fucking planet before we go anywhere

Bread:

Bitches be like “theres nothing living in the ocean we don’t know about” and then act like we know about more than 3 percent of the ocean

Vroom vroom:

EXACTLY

Im a little bit more worried about the creatures on earth that we don’t know about rather than the ones lightyears away from here

Bread:

Some spaceships are surprisingly fast actually

It only took a few hours to get from earth to a relatively far away planet

Vroom vroom:

...how do you know that????

Are you an alien, peter???

Bread:

What?

No of course not

Vroom vroom:

That’s exactly what an alien would say

Bread:

IM NOT!

Vroom vroom:

Chill I know im just fucking with you

Besides, I doubt there are many aliens out there who unironically use the word poggers

Bread:

Stfu

__

PBP:

God I fucking hate school 

A whore, apparently:

Who do I need to kill

PBP:

Please don’t commit murder on my behalf

Some guys at school are just being assholes, as always

Wouldn’t be surprised if they tried to steal my lunch money at this point.

A whore, apparently:

Oh no don’t give them ideas

Their tiny brains cant be original anyway

PBP:

Hey at least school is over and I don’t have to deal with them anymore

[PBP sent an image.]

[the image depicts a blurry school hallway, Peter’s hand in frame, also blurry. The text on the photo reads, “goodbye, hellscape. It’s been terrible <3”.]

A whore, apparently:

...You realize you still have to go to school tomorrow, right?

And for the next, like, 5 months before summer comes?

PBP:

…

Fuck-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO PUT PICUTURES. So, If you wanna see the picture, it's on my Instagram which is the same name as on here, ship_in_a_jar. I also have some drawings from my other story, Static Screens and White Noise, plus a bit of concept art for outfits that MLB outline I did.
> 
> https://instagram.com/ship_in_a_jar?igshid=18nwbdni93qt0
> 
> this link should work? Idk.

**Author's Note:**

> God everyone is gonna be so out of character but if I’m being honest this is basically just a crack fic so it doesn’t matter. Sorry it’s so short but I’m not gonna put a lot of effort into this so expect short chapters.


End file.
